Metcalf's death spurs grief education
Toolbox
By SARAH HINCKLEY TIMES ARGUS STAFF - Published: June 19, 2009
MONTPELIER - Saying goodbye is never easy, even in the case where a person or community has had time to digest the impending loss that comes with death.
Then, there is the next step after goodbye - grief. Everyone has their own way of dealing with grief, either by working through it, avoiding it or sinking into it.
"Grief is as individual as the individual," said Diana Peirce, a counselor with Central Vermont Home Health and Hospice for 30 years. "We're people to help you get over the difficult hump of dealing with grief. For some people, they can't attend to their grief for years."
When former Montpelier Public Schools Superintendent Steve Metcalf agreed to have the Times Argus follow his descent into acute illness and eventual death, his reason was for the purpose of education. Metcalf worked with the school board to identify goals for the district's students throughout the year, among them real-work experiences and citizenship.
"It has occurred to us that dealing with issues involving serious disease, death and dying is something that we want our children to be prepared for and which would advance both of these ends," Metcalf wrote in a letter home to parents and guardians dated April 9.
"Therefore, rather than keep this situation private from the students, we plan to be open about it and to incorporate it into the life of the school as appropriate... For too long in our history, such issues were "hush - hush" - leaving everyone involved more tense and fearful. We believe (and the research bears this out) that a more open process will benefit our students, staff and community."
While the news of Metcalf's diagnosis initiated the grief process among administration and staff of the school district, there is no way to tell who in the community has been affected by the incident. For some, mourning Metcalf's death may be a way of processing grief from their own recent loss of a loved one. There are others affected by his death who never knew him, but feel the impact of the loss on the Montpelier community.
For friends of Scott Freeman, who died at least 13 years ago, creating a golf tournament in his honor was a way to process their grief, according to Peirce. At first they were enthusiastic about honoring their friend and created a golf tournament to raise money for CVHHH. As time passed, they have continued the tournament, which is to be held June 24 at the Country Club of Barre, but also been able to resolve their grief connected to his death.
"It doesn't mean you get over it, because you never do," said Peirce about grief resolution. "It means you learn to live in an altered world (and) that altered state is proportional to the meaning of the person."
People looking for bereavement support are encouraged to contact Central Vermont Home Health and Hospice. Counselors are available, support groups take place at least once a week and consultations are common, if only to find out what the concerns may be, in order to support a grieving friend. There are various forms of therapy available, including music and art, and multiple programs to suit each person or family's needs.
"People will die or hurt, whether we're there or not," said Peirce. "We're just there to make it better."
Those who are grieving tend to be more vulnerable to illness, according to literature from CVHHH. Both the accident and death rates of bereaved individuals are doubled during the year following the death of a loved one.
Exercise, volunteering, creating a community memorial or finding a quiet place to reflect are ways people process their grief. A garden outside the CVHHH building on Granger Road in Barre is filled with flowers commemorating people who have passed on. There are benches for sitting and rocks with messages on them scattered through the flora. Anyone is welcome to visit.
Contact Sarah Hinckley at sarah.hinckley@timesargus.com.
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