Caring for elders: Humor helps ease tension and stress
Toolbox
By Brent Curtis Rutland Herald - Published: February 14, 2005
Sometimes the only way to deal with tension and stress is to find humor in one's situation.
That was one of the major, and quite possibly most popular, pieces of advice keynote speaker Donna Cutting had for family members and professionals caring for elders at a day-long meeting Saturday.
"You cannot hold tension and laugh at the same time," Cutting told a gathering of more than 120 people at the Holiday Inn in Rutland on Saturday. "For my friend with Alzheimer's, laughing didn't take away his condition but when you're able to laugh…when he could turn to me and laugh at his situation, it was a relief for both of us."
During an hour-long address on HOPE — Cutting's codeword for humor, opening up, permission to play and enjoying your loved one — there was plenty of laughter as caregivers laid down their responsibilities to indulge in the lighter side of what can be a difficult burden.
Cutting, who travels the country as a speaker and consultant on elder care services and other issues, appeared during a day-long series of workshops and seminars prepared by the Rutland County Caregiver Coalition to help those who are helping others.
After recounting a number of funny experiences she's had over the years, Cutting stepped down from the stage to let people tell their own tales about laughter overcoming adversity.
One woman who said she worked as an activities director at a nursing home said that in her experience dealing with patients suffering Alzheimer's and dementia, a smile often worked better than words.
"If you're ever in a position where you don't have the words, you don't need the words," she said. "At times when people are agitated and frustrated, I've found that by going to them and making eye contact and smiling and to just keep smiling, eventually, they smile back and calm down."
Another woman said her husband made light of his disabilities by referring to his walker as an "escape vehicle" and telling her to "feed the meter" when it was time to take his medications.
Cutting said opening up to others was also important — especially if the other person was also a caregiver.
"We have all the experts right here," she said gesturing to the audience. "Sometimes we think what we're going through is so horrible but others are going through the same thing."
Guilt and isolation can go a long way toward making a caregivers work harder than it has to be, she said.
Some people refuse to accept help or take a break to tend to their own needs because of their duties to others, she said.
"Sometimes we fear that asking for help means we're inadequate," she said. "But if we don't ask, the caregiver can sometimes become sicker than the person they're caring for."
"The trick is to find someone to ask for help, whether it's a family member, a friend or a professional," she added.
And finally, she said caregivers need to enjoy their roles.
"It's not always easy. Sometimes the people you're caring for make you feel that you're not making a difference but in every smile, in every hug, you're making a difference," she said. "They might not be able to say it, but it's there and don't ever forget it."
Contact Brent Curtis at brent.curtis@rutlandherald.com.
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