Suicide Survivors
Groups form to bring light to the issue
Toolbox
By Robin Palmer Times Argus Staff - Published: August 30, 2004
BARRE – Cory Gould swallowed a lethal dose of pills at age 20 and lived.
"I shouldn't have lived," says Gould, who suffers from bi-polar disorder and was trying to kill herself.
When her attempt failed, Gould says she instead "decided to work for life."
That was September 1977.
Twenty-seven years later, her efforts and those of others in Vermont are taking shape in the fight against suicide at a critical time – when suicide numbers in the state are on the rise.
The latest data for Vermont (2002) shows that 92 Vermonters (77 male, 15 female) took their own lives, a rate of 14.9 per 100,000 people, higher than national rates and up from the previous year of 71 suicides in the state.
The rising rate of suicide in the state means, "a critical mass has been reached," says Gould, a Montpelier psychologist and president of the Vermont chapter of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
That critical mass includes Gould and a growing list of loved ones who have lost family members to suicide and who, according to Gould, are finally ready to bring suicide "out of the darkness."
For Gould, it was the summer of 2000, even more so than her own attempt at ending her life, that brought suicide to the forefront. That summer four prominent central Vermont men, including a Central Vermont Medical Center emergency room doctor, committed suicide.
Vickie Poulin of Worcester, an emergency room nurse, was at work the day the doctor, a colleague and friend, arrived unresponsive at the Berlin hospital. She and others were unable to resuscitate him and were devastated by his loss.
Family members of the doctor wanted the suicide kept quiet, however, and patient confidentially regulations prevented Poulin from talking to her own family about her feelings.
"My colleague and I worked many shifts together. He was a bright light in the universe and when he died, it was like a star went out in the universe. There weren't any resources here in central Vermont, and I floundered a bit. I had no place to turn," says Poulin. "It was the biggest sorrow I think I've ever had."
At the time, Gould worked in the hospital's psychiatry department. Poulin approached Gould for help. "There has to be a way to manage this terrible pain," she says she thought. "It just felt too big to let lay there. There were other people in my department that were struggling as well."
Together Gould and Poulin, who are now civil union partners, formed a suicide survivors' support group, called Survivors of Suicide. It began meeting in central Vermont at the hospital in October 2000.
Gould formed a second Survivors of Suicide support group in Burlington in December 2003, and both groups continue to meet monthly.
Vermonters are also taking other steps to talk about suicide.
"Out of the Darkness" is the national American Foundation for Suicide Prevention's name for annual suicide prevention walks that are held to raise awareness about suicide. Two years ago, 11 Vermonters headed for Washington, D.C., for the all-night "Out of the Darkness" walk. Now some of those same Vermonters are planning a similar walk in Vermont in October, as well as launching suicide awareness groups. They are also asking the governor to proclaim September Suicide Prevention Month in Vermont.
Sept. 5-11 is already National Suicide Prevention week and Sept. 10 is World Suicide Prevention Day. Vermonters are attempting to add to the roster, not only through a month to recognize the situation in the state, but through the formation of a statewide suicide coalition.
Several regional suicide groups are expected to meet Sept. 13 at the Veterans Administration hospital in White River Junction to discuss forming a statewide coalition.
And in central Vermont, says Gould, the state's first suicide support team is taking shape. The newly formed Central Vermont Sudden Death Task Force is holding an informational workshop for first responders, or rescue and hospital personnel, on Sept. 29 from 3-5 p.m. at Central Vermont Medical Center.
The idea of the workshop, says Gould, is to help define the needs of suicide survivors and let responders know volunteers from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, Vermont Chapter, are available to help families when a suicide occurs.
"I think ultimately this will be a very good partnership," Gould says, noting, "There's nothing else like this in Vermont."
The volunteers, who will respond day or night, will listen, offer information on area support groups and give survivors permission to grieve.
"If (you) have been through this experience, they reach to you like a rock in the water," Gould says. "Our main message would be to validate their experience and normalize it (or say what one is feeling is normal).
"'You need to cry for the next year, go ahead. You can't get off the sofa, don't try,'" Gould offers as advice.
Whether able to get off the couch in a week or year, for suicide survivors, there is a lifetime of pain.
Still touched by the loss of her physician friend and colleague, Poulin continues to attend monthly meetings. "What I get out of the group is that although a light went out in the universe, it's OK to remember him," says Poulin, who as a nurse is trained to move on to the next "chart."
"It is something that never goes away," agrees Nancy Aylward, whose son Todd shot himself in April 2001. Even today, Aylward, a Duxbury resident and Department of Health nurse, tears up at the thought of his death.
But Aylward no longer attends support group meetings. Hearing others' stories – all too familiar stories – is too difficult, she says.
As difficult as it is for her, however, Aylward is speaking out about suicide. She participated in the 2002 "Out of the Darkness" walk in Washington, D.C., and is helping promote the upcoming Vermont walk, scheduled for Oct. 16 in Burlington's Battery Park.
The 5- to 6-kilometer 10 a.m. "Out of the Darkness" walk is being held to raise money for suicide prevention and to raise awareness.
According to Gould, suicide is coming out of the darkness because public awareness about mental illness is on the rise.
"The reason that suicide has been in the darkness is because mental illness has been in the darkness," she says.
Most people who kill themselves suffer mental illness, primarily depression, says Gould.
Years ago, less was known about brain illnesses. "You hid Aunt Ethel up in the attic. If Uncle Jerry drowned in the well, you just didn't talk about it," she says.
Today, it's become acceptable to admit to feelings of depression and talk to a doctor or others about it, says Gould, noting that type of discussion is how suicide will ultimately be prevented.
"I think we will achieve a reduction of suicides here in Vermont," Gould says. "It's just a cause worth fighting."
For more information about how to get involved in the walk, call Gould at 223-4111 or Dave Bowers at 654-3931.
Contact Robin Palmer at robin.palmer@timesargus.com or 479-0191, ext. 1171.
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